


The Dunkin’ Donuts Guide to Surviving Gotham City

by JustThatOneGirl1815



Series: Coffee Stains [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DC Comics, DCU
Genre: COVID-19, Coronavirus, Crack, Donut Manager Sean, Dunkin Donuts hours, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Major Original Character(s), POV Original Character, POV Outsider, Sequel, Sleep Deprived Tim Drake, Tik Tok, but not anymore hehe, but they’re cool I promise, have you ever seen the bats from the perspective of a Dunkin Donuts employee?, no?, ridiculous chapter titles, spin off fic, that’s not a big part of this fic but I think it’s important, the floor is lava, there’s like 5 of them, well you have now, yes I brought that back
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 23:41:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30080130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustThatOneGirl1815/pseuds/JustThatOneGirl1815
Summary: Previously on, QUARANTINED: RED ROBIN’S TIK TOK ACCOUNT:“Can we have a spin-off account of the adventures of that Dunkin Donuts worker that led to him not even batting an eye the absolute absurdity that is the Bats?”Yes, you absolutely can....In a world full of aliens, vigilantes, and villains, it must be pretty boring to work the night shift at a Dunkin Donut’s... right?Ha ha ha, no.It’s impossible for anything to be boring when you’ve the entire Batclan and many, many others all appearing at your counter in the middle of the night with little to no warning. Seriously, the bell above the door doesn’t even ring when they walk in. It’s terrifying. And that’s assuming they actually come in the normal way, which, by the way, they do not.The only solace that can be found in dealing with these maniacs is that there’s a helpful How-To section in the Dunkin Donut’s handbook that covers everything from Red Robin’s ridiculous coffee order to what to do in the event that Nightwing and Spoiler ride up on a hideous scooter while ominously chanting for donuts.Yeahhh... you should really read the handbook. You know, if you want to survive.
Relationships: Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne
Series: Coffee Stains [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2166966
Comments: 59
Kudos: 197





	The Dunkin’ Donuts Guide to Surviving Gotham City

**Author's Note:**

> Hello guys! It’s been a year since QUARANTINED: RED ROBIN’S TIK TOK ACCOUNT began, so I’m celebrating by posting yet another fic. 
> 
> (This will not affect the posting schedule of Rise of Cardinal in any way btw) 
> 
> I hope you guys like it!

In most cities, Dunkin Donuts was a mediocre coffee shop that ran from 5am to 8pm. It served slightly burnt coffee that tasted a bit too much like over processed coffee beans and sugar along with donuts that either went stale too fast or ran out too fast. It was known for its orange and pink logo and nothing more.

But of course, Gotham was not most cities.

Gotham had its standard Dunkin’ Donuts— where the workers had early morning and midday shifts— and then it had its night shift. It was the only Dunkin Donuts shop in the world to have this extra shift, a shift that was born out of necessity.

After all, everyone knew that the real business came in the dead of the night, when exhausted vigilantes would stop by for a late night coffee to keep them running those last few hours of patrol. It was the dead of the night, when the Dunkin Donuts became the safest place in the city to run into a rogue, after all, everyone— even Joker— knew to never, _never_ touch the precious coffee shop.

Whether it was because the bats (minus The Bat) would commit murder if something happened to their precious snack stop, or if it was because the rogues themselves also cherished the shop, no one really knew. They didn’t need to. All that needed to be known was that if even a table was overturned in that store (with malicious intent), a lot of powerful people would suddenly be very, very angry.

A newspaper from three years ago was framed on the wall— it showed a picture of Robin (the third one), leaning against the front counter, a murderous look in his eyes as he held a plastic knife from the cutlery container nearby up to Joker’s face. The title read “ **ROBIN STARES DOWN JOKER** ” but the subtitle in a slightly smaller font read, “ _Joker interrupts Robin during his coffee break and meets the young vigilante at his angriest_ ”. The paper was iconic, not just because of the paragraph of text explaining the situation and what had led to a 14 year old threatening the Clown Prince of Gotham with a plastic knife, of all things, in a Dunkin Donuts at 2:28 in the morning, but also because of the messy signature in the bottom right corner of the glass frame— signed Robin (III). It was the sort of thing people would travel across the country to get a picture with— and they absolutely did.

It was no secret that the night shift at the Gotham Dunkin Donuts location was a treasured, but often difficult, job to have. After all, the workers there worked 9pm-4am and dealt with what was otherwise considered the craziest shit to ever walk the Earth. But they also met the infamous Batclan on a monthly basis, and the even more infamous rogues whenever they weren’t locked away in Arkham Asylum or hidden away trying to find a new way to kill several hundred people.

Yes, this is normal in Gotham. There’s a reason people don’t move to Gotham, they move out.

Well... most people move out. Unless your name is Eleanor Hart, a 19 year old, broke as fuck college student (who’d gotten accepted into Gotham University with the intention of majoring in criminal justice), who happens to be from the middle of nowhere Oklahoma and had moved to Gotham halfway through the COVID-19 pandemic.

Look, she did not have her shit together in any way at all.

Which is how she somehow managed to apply for the night shift— the only shift she could take that didn’t overlap with her classes for university— at the local Dunkin Donuts. With no idea about the chaos that occurred there.

Five people total worked that shift at any time— pandemic or not. When the last person had quit due to familial reasons related to the current reason why the world Sucks, Ellie had applied to fill their spot. She’d also applied for a job at the local major corporation— Wayne Enterprises, headed by the 17 year old CEO Timothy Wayne (which, for the record, was bullshit. She was 19– two years older than him— and had a total of $50 in her bank account and that kid was out here being a billionaire)— but the only open job was a janitor which... she would be bad at that. Better to pick the ridiculous night shift at the Dunkin Donuts that should not be open at night in the first place but is for some inexplicable reason.

Her manager’s name was Sean and she couldn’t help but liken him to an over competent (and over protective) older brother to the other four in the shop. He was the type who would spend hours teaching her how to make every necessary coffee, hand her the ridiculously long handbook for the store, telling her to read it (which she didn’t), and then offer to drive her home since it was too dangerous for her to walk the five blocks to get back to her shitty apartment. Which, she accepted, by the way. How could she say no to the puppy eyes that begged her to stay safe from behind the black framed glasses he wore? Answer, she can’t. No one can, not even Stacy.

Stacy was the woman who worked the counter, after all she had the face and personality for it. Kind, calm, and drop dead gorgeous, she was the woman who talked to the various late night customers. She also talked to her girlfriend, who would come in for hours at a time in the middle of the night just to have a coffee date with Stacy even though Stacy was on her shift. Yes, Sean allowed this.

Ellie learned not to question it.

Grant was one of the guys who worked in the kitchen— he was big and buff and the oldest of the group with green eyes that felt like they could pierce her soul if she pissed him off. Stacy had mentioned that he was the guy to go to if a customer was harassing her— Grant would reportedly sucker punch them in the face without question, and had on multiple accounts. Reportedly. Ellie didn’t quite believe it seeing as she’d only seen the guy listening to Welcome to Nightvale while occasionally helping Conan with his homework.

Conan was the last of the group of five, and the newest aside from her. He was a junior in high school and was probably breaking the law by working the night shift, but a thing she’d quickly learned was that Gotham did not care about the law. When he wasn’t exhausted or hurriedly trying to write an essay in between making food for customers, he was probably more gorgeous than Stacy. And that was saying something. But Ellie had only seen him looking like a real human being once— a rarity, she assumed— the rest of the time he was usually pulling at his silky brown hair and begging Grant to help him figure out how to factor a polynomial.

She was immediately at home amongst the night shift at the Gotham Dunkin Donuts.

Having said that, she was _not_ at home in Gotham City. In her humble opinion, the place was a hellscape and the only redeeming qualities it had were the local vigilantes.

Speaking of the local vigilantes, they were Legends. Meme legends, to be more specific. She found herself leaning against the counter next to the drive thru, careful not to accidentally press any buttons on the register and make it do things she didn’t want it to do, watching the latest tik tok from them.

It was a waffle making contest— that had quickly devolved into a food fight and had been chaos from start to finish. Red Hood had been blindfolded, they’d only been given 15 minutes to make waffles with no instructions (and from scratch, and they only had one waffle maker. Whichis why the food fight had started.

Ellie quickly found herself covering her mouth— already covered by her Dunkin Donuts brand mask— to muffle her giggles. She opened the comments and quickly typed out a comment:

“Robin using the waffle maker in the background as Signal dumped a bag of flour onto Nightwing’s head was Peak Comedy”

She’d barely returned to scrolling when she heard it— the chanting.

At first, she thought she was going insane. She looked around wildly, wondering if Conan was watching something weird on his phone but— Conan was fast asleep on his makeshift sleeping bag in the corner where Sean was pretending not to see him. She looked to Grant next to see if he’d unplugged his earbuds and was making them all listen to his podcast for some reason, but no, Grant was talking to Stacy quietly about something in the corner. She looked to Sean next, hoping he would have the answer to the mystery of the chanting, only to see his eyes go wide.

“Open the window.” He said, his voice eerily calm despite the stiff panic on his face.

“Wh—why?”

“Just do it, before they get here.”

“Who?” She asked, now afraid. Was the mafia coming to get them? She didn’t have life insurance or anything—

She turned and opened the window... to find Nightwing and Spoiler pulling up to the drive thru.

Holy shit

What was happening here?

Nightwing was on some sort of an abomination of a scooter— it was neon orange and green and frankly hurt her eyes to look at for even more than a few seconds— with Spoiler sitting on top of his shoulders with binoculars in one hand and her other hand pumping into the air as they both screamed, “DONUTS! DONUTS! DONUTS!”

Ellie was frozen at the sight in something akin to fear. Either that or awe.

Behind her, Sean said something that was lost to her ears and began gathering donuts, telling Stacy and Grant to help him.

“Autographs anyone?” Nightwing asked, before glancing at where he was holding onto the handles of the scooter. “Well... I might not be able to do that...”

It occurred to Ellie in that moment that this was her chance— she might not ever be able to ask this again— “Uh... do you think I could get a signature from Black Bat?” Her hands were shaking as she asked, because Black Bat obviously wasn’t here but she wanted— no she _needed_ — Black Bat’s autograph.

“Oh yah, definitely.” Spoiler spoke up confidently, but then paused to consider her words. “Assuming she’s not trying to pierce Red Hood’s ears.”

“She better not...” Nightwing grumbled, and then poked at the bell on his scooter, making it ring some.

Ellie stared at them in confusion. Pierce... _Red Hood’s_ ears?

Sean walked up next to her, gently nudging her to the side, and handed over three boxes filled with donuts to the two vigilantes. “One donut of every type. Have a good night, try not to get shot or anything.”

“You got it!” Spoiler exclaimed, grabbing the donuts with one hand, dropping her binoculars to hang around her neck in the process, and saluting dramatically to them.

And then Nightwing was off again, scootering down the street like a madman, the bell on the bike ringing with each bump in the sidewalk they went over.

“Wait, don’t they need to pay?” Ellie asked, panicking a bit because that was stealing and—

“Oh they will. Give them a week and a bag of cash will show up in the cardboard box in the corner by the ovens. That’s why it’s there. They usually pay three times what it actually costs, the extra is for tips.” Sean explained calmly.

“Oh. Is this.... normal?” Ellie asked, suddenly getting the impression that the situation depicted on the framed newspaper in the dining area wasn’t as abnormal as it seemed.

“Yeah, you didn’t read the handbook did you?” Sean looked at her, one eyebrow raised.

“No... was I supposed to?” She replied. Of course she didn’t read it, the thing was massive, and what sort of handbook did she need? She was working the drive thru at a Dunkin’ Donuts, that seemed pretty self explanatory. But... she glanced at where Nightwing and Spoiler were scootering madly down the street... maybe there was a bit more to this whole night shift thing than she’d realized.

“I mean, most of it is bullshit, but there’s an entire section for what to do when the vigilantes show up. There’s also a section for when the villains show up. Kinda important ‘round here.” Sean said casually, leaning against the counter.

“Oh.” Ellie replied, starting to space off into the middle distance, she was suddenly regretting throwing the handbook in the trash the second she’d gotten off her first shift.

Stacy chuckled and approached her, placing a hand on her shoulder in a comforting gesture that did not help Ellie snap out of her current state at all.

“Welcome to the night shift.”

Ellie nodded slowly, her wide eyes slowly focusing on where there was an extra handbook hidden underneath the front register.

Maybe she needed to read that.


End file.
